The reasons a couple chooses to do this type of work can be because of a desire to go on a journey of personal growth together, or because there are difficulties that require support in being addressed.
Cases may include:
the desire to make the relationship more intimate and authentic;
a relationship that is stagnant;
a difficulty in communicating and understanding each other;
a diversity of needs and a difficulty in expressing them;
a difficulty in accepting the needs of the other;
the desire to find one's own space without feeling guilty or making the other person feel abandoned/rejected;
having more shared moments without feeling smothered;
the difficulty in understanding if it is a relationship that has run its course;
the natural end of a relationship that you struggle to let go of;
any other of the many dynamics that occur daily in a relationship.
Most difficulties in a relationship stem from misunderstandings arising from:
Difficulty in recognizing what one is feeling inside;
Ineffective communication;
The difficulty in expressing one's own needs;
The attribution of intentions to the other person according to what are one's own projections and not reality.
In order for these difficulties not to compromise our relationships, we must:
Learn to listen to each other and acknowledge our feelings and needs without judgment;
Learn to verbalize these feelings and needs without shame or guilt;
Learn to recognize when we are truly seeing the other person, or are projecting our own belief systems onto him or her.
We all come from imperfect and sometimes downright unhealthy family environments. The two people from whom we have learned to relate to a partner are almost always our parents and if the example they have given us is not healthy and balanced, we will have taken on board their personal issues as well. This work allows us to recognize what mechanisms we have inherited from our families of origin and consequently choose which ones we want to keep and which ones we want to let go of. As a result, we have the tools to create the kind of relationship and family we want TODAY.
If the affection that brought the couple together in the first place is still alive, then the goal becomes learning to communicate and listen more effectively, to recognize and express one' s needs, and to remain as neutral as possible in welcoming the other person. Many of these things were never taught to us, which is why we struggle so much today.
The space in which the sessions take place is a neutral place where there is an opportunity to understand what is happening in the relationship without judgment and without assigning blame or merit. Since the goal is always to bring greater harmony and richness to the couple, the intent is to understand where the difficulties stem from, accept them with understanding, and open your heart to yourself and your partner in order to establish a common direction where the relationship can grow in every aspect, creating a fulfilling experience for both.
A couple of points to keep in mind before going down this path are:
It' s important that the desire to do this type of work is present in both members of the couple and that it is not one of them dragging the other into these sessions.
It is also important that this space is not experienced as a courtroom with a judge (me) who will determine who is right and who is wrong. Since there is no judgment, there is also no judge. My role is to help you connect on a heart and mind level so that you can decide for yourselves which direction to take together. Therefore, it is important that both members of the couple have some level of willingness to put themselves on the line.
It may be necessary for each member of the couple to have one or more individual sessions as well. These will be agreed upon together in advance and will be in the same number for both.
Couples of all marital statuses and sexual orientations are welcome in this space.